the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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