sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
