apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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