Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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