I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
