The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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