I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
