watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
