i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
