it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
