We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My vagina is very pro this idea
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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