I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
