dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
farters have to be the big spoon...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
