Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
