4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
