he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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