Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
