when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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