I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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