Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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