You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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