Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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