Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
