three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
