Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
