And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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