come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
