I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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