i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
