I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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