Jerry, you need to find god
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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