it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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