i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
