I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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