And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
