We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize