My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
