I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
