Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
