so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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