when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
