forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
