My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
