I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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