Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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