i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
