Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
