Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize