Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He better not be in your backpack
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize