I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have aggressive nipples.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
