he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize