my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
