she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
