I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
