we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
