There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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