the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
