we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
