Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
