It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
