Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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