Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
