It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
