Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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