She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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